Why are pie slaps not funny?

Fawlty Towers: Pie Slaps for Hotel Inspectors

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I was in my freshman year at college when a buddy of mine, a guy from Germany, told me we should take part in the so-called International Show with a skit based on Faulty Towers, his favorite comedy TV-series. I had never heard about Faulty Towers, but performing a couple of funny scenes before the American public seemed a great idea. It also made sense that I would play the main hero himself, as we were both very tall and thin. It was, however, puzzled beyond words when the friend told me he wanted to enact the ending of the “Hotel Inspectors”, […]


Revising A Novel Via Kindle’s Text-To-Speech Feature

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Writing a novel is not easy, but when it is finished the job isn’t done yet, as it is now time for revisions. In this essay I discuss what I consider an extremely effective way of revising a novel, or any other piece of writing. It consists of uploading the text onto Kindle as a Word document and having the device read it back to you via the text-to-speech option. The Secret Power of Kindle I discovered this way of text revision rather accidentally. For a very long time, I was a big fan of Kindle’s text-to-speech option, listening to all sorts […]


Lucid Dreaming

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Lucid dreaming is awareness of having a dream while it is happening. Despite seeming impossible, lucid dreaming is a working state of consciousness that can be achieved by anyone through discipline and determination. Lucid dreaming opens up endless possibilities for adventures and self-improvement, as well as serves as a means of performing acts that go beyond the scientific laws known to us and could be described as magic. How to become lucid in a dream The reason why most people are unaware of lucid dreaming is because the ability to become lucid in a dream hardly ever happens by itself and needs […]

bahamas vacation - resort

My Bahamian Vacation

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Happiness is too personal an affair to be shared with a large group of people. I few weeks ago I came back from the Bahamas where I was on vacation, and today I finally decided to report how it went. But, unlike I did with my Vermont vacation, this one will be nothing but pictures. I could say that this is an exercise in not-doing, but I don’t think it would be true. Rather, I feel there is no need to put what happened on the Bahamas in word because it is no one’s business. Do you know what not-doing is, by […]

the clever witch - witches and maniacs

The Clever Witch

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“We have to agree I will go to bed at 2:25.” “What time is it now?” “Doesn’t matter.” Pause. “Why 2:25?” “I want so. Do you agree? You agree to everything I want.” “I disagree.” “What do you want?” “How about 2:35?” “You added time. “ “Correct.” “So, you want to torture me? OK. Just call a time. Any time: I promise I’ll agree.” “2:26.” Pause. “Sly bastard. All right.” “Tell me what time it is now.” “2:06”. “Beautiful.” “So, New York… is that it? Work, children, retirement – that’s all?” “I don’t know. Predicting future is a lousy business. That’s not […]

rose first english sonnet

First English Sonnet

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First English Sonnet My dear Lord! I tried to numb the inner, And yet amid the pains, divine and lewd, Revolving and prepared to protrude, There was a name that grew, becoming thinner. Indemnity is not for such a sinner, Not even respite, much less quietude: A rascal, it aspires to elude Before its humble servant’s served for dinner. Of that I could compile another story, Narrate it to the shadows of the past, Or just pretend the sonnet is perfection… Lies bring but solace, not an allegory; I wouldn’t mind if this one was the last. Some day I’ll know the […]

crystal of bismuth

The XX – Crystallized – Alternative Lyrics

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Sterilized You have lied, my treasure. You told me: utilize! But you’ve got to faint, Cause I could bring buried ice. Unforgiving? Forget, Before I am sterilized. Do I have to keep up the face To keep your status prized? High-yay Things have gotten closer but to none, And I’ve done things for osmosis, But don’t think that I’m letting you astray, When you’re the one who’s been so modest. High-yay-yay High-yay-yay High-yay-yay High-yay-yay You don’t let it go, Undertaken to perfection. Did you cause the air to glow? Does it lessen your inflection? Foe! You say I’m ghoulish, That […]

riot in belgium la musique english translation

Riot in Belgium La Musique English Translation

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I don’t speak French and don’t even like that language that much, but every once in a while I get so hooked by obscure electronic compositions I can’t help thinking they are the best in the genre. Riot in Belgium’s La Musique is one of them, so here is my translation of the lyrics, which, stylistically, is no improvement over the original. Riot in Belgium – La Musique La Musique Music Voici le commencement d’une histoire Here is the beginning of a story Et je me surprends a croire et a vouloir And I find myself wanting and believing Je […]

the first time a person visits your website

The First Time A Person Visits Your Website, or the Path to Following

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Back in 1885, a certain Thomas Smith wrote a guide Successful Advertising. It is only twenty sentences long, but remains as relevant in the 21st century as it must have been in the 19th. Inspired by its exemplary conciseness and precision, I wrote a similar document describing the conversion of a random website visitor into a follower. Effective Frequency: the Path to Following The first time a person visits your website, she does it by accident. The second time a person visits your website, she does it out of curiosity. The third time a person visits your website,

Salvador Dali - Portrait of Picasso

Have you ever done cocaine?

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(a scene from a play I may write one day)   Cast of Characters HOST GUEST AUDIENCE   Playwright’s Note Based on a true story, as always.   Have you ever done cocaine?   TV studio. HOST and GUEST in the middle, AUDIENCE around.   HOST Have you ever done cocaine? GUEST Why should you ask me such questions in front of the camera? HOST You know you don’t have to answer. GUEST By your rules, perhaps. Not by mine. HOST Did I understand it correctly that tonight you will answer any questions? GUEST Lets not rush, we’ve just begun. […]